My bad parenting just reinforces the true points of my miserable and pointless wretched existance upon this ?

Upon earth. Of them begin, one no one will love me for I have become such a catastrophic failure , two I deserve ounce of pain I recurve because iam a catasphophic failur, three I do not deserve any love for Ian a FAILURE . No one likes imperfections or weaklings which is why I have graciously volenteered myself to die a failures death.. My son is better off withought me Ian a terrible parent.. I do deserve 2 die.... I have push my son to do things he hates likes sports and football and for a while I hated him for it. But now I see his pain.... It breaks my heart. I want my happy son back and I think I can achieve this by killing myself so my only son would feel liberated of my presence.... And yes I am a failure and don't deserve this life god had giving me. Iam in the bathroom weeping my eyes I love him